


I Was Yours

by Breeshark



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Biting, Cunnilingus, F/F, Loss of Virginity, Mental Instability, Mutilation, Past Abuse, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Past Child Abuse, Past Relationship(s), Past Sexual Abuse, Physical Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Harm, Smut, Vaginal Fingering
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-26
Updated: 2018-02-20
Packaged: 2019-01-23 17:09:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 13
Words: 13,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12512192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Breeshark/pseuds/Breeshark
Summary: The dark twist to the story are you mine. The name was given by Taylachan on Tumblr :)





	1. Right beside you

It was the final 60 seconds of the match they were making their final push of the payload on the Hollywood map. She clicked on her nearest teammate Roadhog and flew to his aid using her healing stream. Reinhart held the front of the push keeping his shield up to protect everyone from behind. It was all going as planed in just a few seconds she’d have yet another victory under her belt bringing her ratio up higher. 

“Mizu no yo ni nagare.” The screen shouted at her. 

There was no time to react her teammates fell one by one around her she was one click away from a mass resurrection, play of the game worthy. Before she could click that beautiful Q, Genji obliterated her with his dragon blade. 

Defeat flashed across her screen and she pushed herself away from the computer forgetting about her headphones, her ears were yanked and glasses clattered to the floor. 

“What the fuck!” Peridot shouted. She scrambled to grab her glasses from the floor before she accidently stepped on them, it’s happened before. Checking the lower right hand corner of the screen lighting up the room she saw it was 4am. 

She turned the monitor off and yawned. “Damn Genji, and why was no one watching our flank?” She crawled into her bed pulling up neon green alien sheets to cover her face. Her first class started at noon so she’d get a few hours of sleep before she had to catch the bus to the main campus. She fell asleep to the realization that Mercy always got screwed over. 

***********  
“Peridot! Open this door!” 

Peridot rolled over to look at her alarm clock 9am flashed angrily back in red. “It’s too early!” 

More knocking on her door, “I’ve recived another noise compliant! We need to talk.” 

If she had any question of who could possibly be assaulting her door this early it was answered. Her Resident Assistant, Pearl was always up when the sun rose. More importantly she was in charge of this half of the dorm hallway. 

“Give me a minute!” Peridot shouted she wiped sleep out of her eyes and pulled up on her alien boxers that slid down during her restless sleep. She trailed the six feet it took to reach her door she yanked it open to be greeted by Pearl. 

Pearl steepled her fingers and then took in a deep breath before letting it out slowly. Some sort of meditation exercise, Peridot guessed. “This is the third compliant I’ve gotten about you waking someone up from screaming profanities.” Pearl took a glance behind Peridot and her lips turned up in disgust. “This is getting to be as bad as Amethyst’s room!” Pearl’s meditating must not have prepared her for this. “There is a garbage shoot right down the hall, there is no excuse for this kind of mess.” 

“I’m getting to it.” Peridot replied. So what if the empty cans of monster had overflowed out of her wastebasket and some Doritos bags littered the floor. It was her room to worry about. But Pearl took her positon as an RA too seriously, she acted more like a mom to the floor than their peer. 

“The yelling needs to stop one more compliant just one more and I will be forced to write you up for it. As you know three write ups result in dismissal from the dorms.” Pearl pointed a finger at Peridot. “I mean it this time, and clean this mess up!” Pearl turned on the points of her toes and flitted down the hallway presumably to check in on Amethyst to see if she finally cleaned up her dorm. 

Peridot closed the door to her room and rolled her eyes. “This isn’t even close to what Amethyst’s room looks like.” 

Well she was up now and she might as well shower and head to the main campus, swing by Starbucks to get ten shots of espresso and then get to her physics class.


	2. Avoidance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll avoid you   
> So I'll never   
> Have you 
> 
> Let's be   
> Mutual   
> Avoid me   
> I'll avoid you 
> 
> This is a  
> Dance for  
> Two

After a refreshing shower and dressing in her classic black and green hoodie and shorts she exited her dorm to find Amethyst and Pearl carrying large black trash bags. “Yo! P-Dot!” Amethyst waved her garbage bag. “Pearl helped me clean up a little. You’ll never guess the source of the stink!” 

Peridot raised an eyebrow at that. Knowing Amethyst it was probably some form of old food. Amethyst began to laugh, “It was a burrito from Taco Bell!” 

“We don’t even have a Taco Bell on campus or anywhere nearby…” Peridot replied shocked at this revelation. 

“I know, dude I think I might have moved in with it!” Amethyst chuckled. “Yes as disgusting as all that is, Peridot I have some news for you.” Pearl interjected. “The connecting dorm room to yours is getting a new occupant today so make sure the bathroom you share is clean.” 

Peridot recalled the discarded sports bras and boxer shorts laying in a hamper in the corner of the bathroom and her hair products decorating the sink and taking up all available real estate. “It’s clean…” She lied. 

“She’s supposed to move in at noon today. If you don’t have class after come by and meet her.” Pearl began about to say more before Amethyst interrupted. “Pearl this junk is heavy, let’s move it.” 

Pearl’s cheeks flushed with color, “Of course. Oh and Peridot one more thing, her name is Lapis Lazuli.” With Amethyst pushing on Pearl’s back the two of them marched down the hallway with their garbage. 

Peridot couldn’t hide her frown. A roommate, why now? She had it so good before her own private bathroom, it was always quite on her shared wall. It was perfect the best setup a college student could ask for. Who enrolls in the Spring anyways? Now she’d have to share her small bathroom and what if this Lapis girl was loud? It was just bad news all around. 

Peridot headed down the stairway and ran into Jasper. A Amazonian of a woman that would put Wonder Woman to shame. Jasper rippled with muscle and showed it off with her tank tops cut low and her gym shorts that hugged her thick muscular thighs. “Hey twerp.” Jasper rumpled in greeting. 

“Brute,” Peridot shot back. This was their normal exchange. Jasper was a bully to most and to her friends a nuisance, Peridot fell into the latter category. “Already done with your jog?” 

Jasper shrugged, “Got a text from Pearl, said she needed help with moving things. I guess it will be a good enough replacement for interrupting my run.” Jasper put a large hand on Peridot’s head and ruffled her hair. “See ya later lollipop guild.” 

Pearl must have called that meathead in to help the new girl move in. Peridot wanted to make sure she was far away when her new roommate came. She wasn’t one for making friends and wouldn’t have the ones she had now if it wasn’t for Amethyst and they only became friends from a shared love of Overwatch. She doubted she’d have anything in common with Lapis Lazuli. 

Peridot hurried down the stairs so she wouldn’t miss the shuttle to the main campus. She prided herself in being early to class, as well as top in the class. Her grades were perfection keep a spot on 4.5 GPA. Getting a scholarship to Beach City College wasn’t easy but she worked at it since she was in high school. Soon she’d graduate become the best engineer and finally get out of her mother’s shadow.


	3. I think you're gonna be my biggest fan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Don't care if you think I'm dumb  
> I don't care at all"
> 
> Bubblegum Bitch- Marina and the Diamonds

Peridot looked down at her cellphone it was 9pm, the perfect time to head back to her dorm building. That Lapis girl would already be moved in and Pearl went to bed so early she’d be long asleep. Peridot would be able to sneak in and out without a single awkward introduction. Her plan would go off without a hitch. She packed up her laptop closing out of World of Warcraft. She’d help the horde another day. She waved goodbye to the baristas at the Starbucks who had been supplying her with espresso after espresso. She didn’t drink she didn’t do drugs so twenty shots of espresso that wasn’t a big deal, right? 

After waiting twenty minutes for the shuttle back to the dorms she made it to her floor at about 9:40pm even better. She strolled down the hallway until reaching her door with its yellow caution tape on the outside, Amethyst’s idea. Her lilac haired friend had a matching door decoration her tape said biohazard, which before today was more or less true. Peridot fiddled with the keys before slipping inside. Mission accomplished! She set her bag down and grabbed her green towel heading into the bathroom to wash her hair out. Hair gel and bedhead didn’t go well together. To her immediate surprise someone was already in the bathroom with a blue towel wrapped around her wet naked form. 

“Oh my god!” The girl screamed. 

Peridot went to back up but she tripped over a discarded pair of jeans she tumbled to the ground her glasses falling off her face and clattering to the tile floor. Peridot couldn’t see a thing but the girl’s painted blue toes in front of her face she looked up the girl put her foot on Peridot’s head forcing it back down. 

“Don’t look up! I’m naked…I…Who are you?” The girl scrambled through her words her foot digging into Peridot’s head didn’t sit well with the blonde. Peridot pushed herself up and closed her eyes. “My eyes are closed, besides I can’t see a thing without my glasses.” A wet hand touched her own and she felt her glasses being passed to her. “Are you my roommate?” The girl asked, “The RA said you were a little odd but I didn’t think you were a pervert…” 

Peridot took her glasses and huffed out a response, “I am not a pervert! This was my bathroom until just a few hours ago.” Peridot put her glasses back on but kept her eyes firmly shut.

“Don’t you knock?” The girl asked. 

“Don’t you lock doors?” Peridot shot back. 

The girl didn’t have a response for that because she was silent the only sound was shuffling of what sounded like clothes. “You can open your eyes now, pervert.” Oh so now she makes jokes, Peridot thought. Peridot opened her eyes to take in the woman in front of her. She wore a long ratty T-shirt with some holes on the stomach area showing off her tanned skin, below that, long legs with tiny short shorts that would almost count as underwear. The woman offered her hand out to Peridot, “Lapis Lazuli.” 

Peridot took the hand and Lapis pulled her up off the floor. The next thing Peridot noticed was the dark blue color of Lapis’ hair and then deep blue eyes. “Of course, I am Peridot.” 

“No last name?” Lapis asked it was an innocent enough question but Peridot saw it as an attack. Peridot yanked her hand back. “No. Just Peridot, my surname is none of your business.” 

Lapis rolled her eyes, “You’ve seen me naked. Didn’t even take me on a date first and I don’t get to know your last name?” 

“Is sarcasm all you know?” Peridot eyed the blue hair woman. “I suppose since we will be sharing this bathroom I will tell you my surname. But this is between us I don’t tell many this lightly. I have a large responsibility and my surname caries that weight.” Peridot droned on. 

Lapis yawned, “Oh you’re looking at me. My turn to talk?” 

“Tch, I’m Peridot Diamond.” Peridot waited for the full weight of her last name to take effect on her foolish roommate. Oh how’d she cower in fear once she knew. 

“Is that supposed to be something I know? Is that like a Beach City name or something? I just moved here.” Lapis replied she ran a hand through her soaking wet hair and then shook it out getting Peridot wet. 

“Ugh, keep your water to yourself!” Peridot hissed. 

“Are you going to melt?” Lapis joked shaking more water out of her hair. 

Peridot closed the distance to the door leading back to her own room, “You may have won this battle but I will win the war!” The Peridot made a logical retreat. She waited and then heard the laughter on the other side of the door. It was light musical, infuriating! 

Lapis Lazuli would rue the day she messed with Peridot Diamond! Peridot decided. But first she needed to eat some Doritos and check in on her guild, maybe have a monster…


	4. Unimpressed by material excess

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Watching you   
> You made up   
> Your face
> 
> Trust me  
> Your face  
> Doesn't need  
> Anything more
> 
> Be still  
> My heart   
> Pounding in my chest  
> As you ran that makeup   
> up your cheek.

Peridot looked at the now offending bathroom door. It was noon her normal morning time on a Saturday. After a night of playing World of Warcraft to forget about the whole bathroom situation, she had fallen asleep for an hour or two and now she really had to go to the bathroom. After three cans of monster energy and two mountain dews she was practically dancing in front of the bathroom door. Hopping from one foot to another she glared at the silver colored doorknob. Could Lazuli be on the other side of the door? Doing who knows what? “Shit…” Peridot mumbled now she was back to thinking about Lazuli in the shower. Water droplets running down that tan skin. “Nope, not today.” She took Lazuli’s advice and knocked on the door. 

“You can come in. I’m not naked this time. What a shame, right?” Lazuli taunted from the other side. 

Peridot barged in almost smacking into Lazuli who was leaning over the sink with…is that makeup? Lazuli groaned, “Damn…” She turned around with a black line down her face now. “I didn’t think you’d run in here, couldn’t get enough of me?” 

Peridot’s face was probably bright red by now but more importantly her bladder was ready to burst. “I need to use this!” Peridot pointed to the toilet. 

Lazuli raised an eyebrow, “I’ve got to do my eye liner over now. Can’t you wait?” 

“No” Peridot hissed she clutched her abdomen. “I will die.” 

Lazuli huffed out a sigh, “I’ll turn the other way so just go. I have somewhere I need to be.” Peridot couldn’t believe the audacity of the blue haired woman, she didn’t pee in front of others like a savage. “If you do not leave this bathroom now, I will pee on this floor.” Peridot threatened. Lazuli laughed at that but raised her hands in surrender, “Fine, fine.” Then she turned to go to the wrong door. “Hey! That’s my room!” Peridot tried to argue but she couldn’t hold it any longer and now the bathroom was finally hers. 

After relieving herself and washing her hands which was more than a challenge with all of Lazuli’s junk around the sink. She had pushed all of Peridot’s things to a corner. That woman had some nerve, Peridot thought. Peridot went back to her room to see Lapis Lazuli investigating her things.

“This is so nerdy!” Lazuli exclaimed. “I love it.” 

That was unexpected. “You watch Camp Pining Hearts?” Lazuli picked up her statue of Percy. “I haven’t caught up to it yet. I was trying to wait for the English Dub.” 

What a pleb, to wait for the dub. A true Anime fan watches the subs. “Yes, well. Lazuli, this is my room.” Peridot waited but Lazuli kept wandering around the room putting her fingers on everything. “Hey! Stop touching my things with your…touch stumps!” 

Lazuli giggled at that comment, “Alright fine. Oh did you get the E-mail from Pearl? We have to meet her in like ten minutes to go over our roommate contract.” 

“No…” Peridot looked down at her green boxer shorts and gray tank top. “I need to change, and shower.” 

“Go right ahead, but I need the mirror.” Lazuli raised an eyebrow. “Maybe now we will be even.” 

Lazuli went into the bathroom with a sway to her hips. “Temptress…” Peridot muttered. She grabbed some clothes from the clean pile on her spare computer chair and went to Amethyst’s room. 

“Dude, you look pissed.” Amethyst said when she opened the door. 

“Just let me use your shower…” Peridot sighed. 

“Roommate troubles?” Amethyst asked, “That sucks. Jasper is pretty chill but she wakes up so early.” 

For once Peridot envied Amethyst for her roommate. What sort of world was this when she rather have Jasper Quartz as her roommate? 

“Jasper’s out on a run, shower is all yours.” Amethyst went back to what she did best eat junk and watch shows. 

Peridot went to her friends shower which was clean that must be thanks to Jasper. That meathead ran a tight ship. She’d shower and then she’d beg Pearl for help, she couldn’t handle the blue haired menace.


	5. You give me feelings never felt before

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is new  
> This feeling   
> Why do I   
> Hate seeing  
> You with   
> Her?

Lapis Lazuli and Pearl sat at the small table in Pearl’s room waiting for Peridot who just got there her hair still wet and out of place. “Peridot, we were waiting for you. Would you like some tea?” Pearl offered a teapot resting on the table with three cups. 

Peridot sat down across from Lazuli, “No. I just want to get this over with.” 

Lazuli took a sip from her cup of tea, “I was just telling Pearl about how we’ve been getting along.” 

“I’m so glad to hear you are adjusting well, Peridot. I was more than worried you wouldn’t be able to handle a roommate. Oh, I’m so proud of you.” Pearl went on. “I’ll have to tell Garnet she’ll tell me I told you so and I shouldn’t have worried but how could you not?” 

Peridot shot a glare at Lazuli. Why lie? They weren’t getting along. Lapis invaded her space, her privacy, and more importantly almost made her pee on the floor. Unacceptable, she’s a Diamond the daughter of the most powerful woman in the State let alone the city. An industry mogul who was shrewd, Peridot could embody that. Be shrewd like your mother, she thought. 

“I…I don’t think…” She started to stumble through her words but never got to finish before Pearl’s door was burst into. Jasper stood in the doorway. “Uh, sorry to interrupt but Amethyst has food poisoning. She’s asking for you.” 

Pearl hopped up, “Again! What did she eat now?” Pearl fled the room without a second thought to her two guests. Jasper eyed Lapis Lazuli and then Peridot. 

“Oh it’s you!” Lapis said with a coy smile. “I wanted to thank you for helping me move in. I don’t have any family in the area to help. It meant a lot to me.” 

Jasper’s bronze skin flushed with color slightly and she toyed with the bottom of her muscle shirt. “Yeah, no problem.” 

“Let me treat you to dinner sometime,” Lapis offered. 

Gross, is this flirting? Peridot thought. Maybe through all of this she could sneak out and play a match or two of Overwatch. If Lapis liked a big giant meathead that was her prerogative, it’s not like Peridot cared anyways. Lazuli was clearly a flirt, it meant nothing. Yet Jasper swooned so easily flattered by simple attentions. Peridot couldn’t afford to be like that to swoon, no she was a tactician, she was cold. Peridot stood up clearly interrupting what was happening between Jasper and Lapis. 

“Where are you going?” Lapis asked. 

“I’m going back to my room. This is pointless.” Peridot didn’t say another word as she pushed past Jasper. She used to be so much colder before she met Amethyst and gathered a small collection of friends. She needed to bring back that callousness the things her mother taught her. She returned to her room and locked the door. Why was she even upset about this? Lapis might just leave her alone if Jasper is around. Maybe a small voice echoes in the back of her mind just maybe you liked the attention. “Absolutely not,” She decided. “I am not jealous, I just met Lazuli. I don’t have any feelings.” Feelings get you nowhere, those are her mother’s words but they applied now. 

She went to her closet and grabbed a package of ramen noodles the kind you added hot water too. She picked up a ceramic cup her ramen heating cup and set to work. She had just finished pouring her water into the noodles when a shy knock interrupted her. It was of course coming from the bathroom, the meeting ground for her and Lazuli. She groaned and struggled with herself but opened the door to let Lazuli in. 

Lapis walked in and sat down on the computer chair in front of Peridot’s desk. “Are you mad at me?” Direct, Peridot could respect that if it wasn’t aimed at her. 

“No. Why would I be? You only invade my space and my life.” Peridot hit back a low blow. 

Lapis’ legs swung as she thought back a reply. “I am only trying to make a friend. Sorry I’m not very good at it.” The words felt forced like choked back pride. “I didn’t have a lot of friends where I’m from.” 

A sympathy play? Never feel sympathy, Peridot it is baseless weakness. Her mother told her that once. “I didn’t have a lot of friends either before coming here.” What, what was she doing. Revealing information about herself, stupid. 

Lapis offered a weak smile, “Two peas in a pod, huh?” She held her hand out, “Let’s start over. I am Lapis Lazuli and I want to be your friend.” 

Peridot looked at the hand acting as a truce it wasn’t in her nature to give in. She took the hand in her pale one. “Peridot…Peridot Diamond, I would also like to be your friend.” 

So it was settled. Lapis grinned, “Are you friends with Jasper?” 

Peridot nodded she went back to her cup of noodles and grabbed a fork to start on them she sat on the edge of her bed. “Why?” 

“She’s hot.” Lapis giggled like a high school girl. Peridot was home schooled by the best tutors money could buy, but she could indulge just this once. “I suppose her body is in peak physical form.” 

“Tell me everything you know.” Lapis tucked her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them placing her head on her knees. “Go on then.” 

So Peridot told her while eating noodles. Jasper Quartz, rude and brash, played soccer and track and field. A work out fiend who barely spent time doing anything else, Jasper is simple. Lapis listened and nodded occasionally fiddling with a piece of blue hair. Peridot finished her noodles and felt a different kind of emptiness. Not hunger, it was something new. She waved Lapis away and wished her luck on her dinner date. I wish she wanted to know about me that small annoying voice uttered in the back of Peridot’s mind. “Shut up.” She replied.


	6. You are my only vice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peridot overhears something she shouldn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Baby I'd be lying   
> If I said I wasn't   
> Falling
> 
> You make me  
> Fall from grace  
> I'l be your disgrace 
> 
> (More shitty poetry from bree :p) 
> 
> Since there isn't really anything changing in these chapters I thought I should add something.

It had been a few weeks and of course Lapis and Jasper got together. Peridot wasn’t surprised when Lapis came in through their adjoining bathroom to share the news. She had thanked Peridot over and over. Peridot did the polite thing the friend thing. She nodded said congratulations. Lapis was quite now she didn’t come through the adjoining door as much and when she did it was to gush about what a romantic Jasper was. ‘Oh, Peridot! Jasper got me blue roses! Can you believe it blue?!’ Peridot explained to Lapis how the flowers became blue and Lapis listened because it was the friend thing to do. Jasper took Lapis to dinner on lunch dates and then one night it happened. 

Peridot was busy in the shared bathroom brushing her teeth after her night time shower. Lapis insisted she needed to take the first shower in the afternoon so Peridot played some matches and waited. Peridot stared back at her reflection, bright green eyes with freckles dusting her cheeks. Her hair was only ever flat when the water managed to tame it, which was from her mother. Peridot was about to retire to her room when she heard Lapis’ door open then close in a rush then giggles and a gruff chuckle. Was Jasper next door? Peridot did the sensible thing and pressed her ear to the bathroom door that led to Lapis’ room. 

“Lapis…” A moan from Jasper, “Can I touch you?” 

“No, I want to touch you.” Lapis responded. “Don’t touch me unless I tell you, do you understand?” 

Peridot’s face and neck were bright red and she pressed a hand to her mouth to keep quite. What was that?! What is she listening to? Peridot pressed her ear tighter to the door intent on not missing this exchange. 

“I understand,” Jasper practically mewled in delight. “Take what you want from me.” 

“I intend to.” That was Lapis again and Peridot heard shuffling and the groan of a mattress that was used to Jasper’s weight. Peridot should stop she should go back to her own room and re-watch Camp Pining Hearts or play a game something. But she stayed kneeling on the cold tile of the bathroom floor. 

“Take your clothes off, give me a show.” Lapis’ voice was husky and seductive. Something Peridot had never heard before it made parts of her burn and sizzle. 

More shuffling and Jasper must have been giving Lapis what she wanted because she heard the wet sounds of a kiss. At least Peridot thought it was a kiss. 

“My god, Jasper you are so wet.” Lapis sounded shocked and pleased. 

Peridot couldn’t listen a second longer she’d faint her virginal ears couldn’t handle the intimacy of the bedroom. Especially not this game Lapis was playing with Jasper. Peridot crawled on the bathroom floor silently and opened her own door with such precision so as not to make a single sound. Once back in her own room she breathed out a big sigh and went to her bed grabbed an alien pillow and screamed into it. After she got that out of her system she sat down on her bed and looked out the small window. So Lapis has sex and worse of all Jasper has sex that image she needed bleached from her brain. Peridot had never. She’d never even kissed someone before. The thought of doing something more made her feel like she’d faint. How’d Lapis get to be so…so grownup? Is that the right word? That seemed childish. Lapis was just doing what was natural when one is in a relationship. Although that didn’t seem natural not wanting to be touched? How does…she stopped herself from that line of thinking. 

She went to her computer and blasted Camp Pining Hearts season 1 through her headphones. Still she couldn’t get those words out of her head. What did Lapis look like when she said those words? Did she have that coy smirk or hooded lids and a pout? Nope! Peridot stop it she thought. After listening to Paulette drone on she started to forget and get lost in her hatred of the character.


	7. Let The Flames Begin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peridot wakes up from a unexpected dream and ends up having an unexpected night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You set me on fire  
> Dripping with desire   
> You are all that I require 
> 
> So let the flames  
> Grow higher   
> I'll expire from   
> The heat   
> You are giving me 
> 
> Hmmmmm I rhymed a little

“You know Peri, you could always watch.” Lapis hovered over Jasper both were naked and with a slick sheen covering their bodies. Lapis turned to Peridot licking her lips. “I know you want me.” Peridot couldn’t avert her eyes from the divine expanse of tan skin going lower to the juncture between Lapis’ thighs. “I-I…” Peridot fumbled with her words. Lapis approached swaying her hips she put both arms on Peridot’s shoulders. “I’ll show you how, start with a kiss.” Peridot turned her face and Lapis turned hers their lips met it was warm, delightful, intoxicating. 

A phone was ringing the X-files theme song. Not now she was with Lapis. Lapis looked at her and shrugged, “It’s just a dream.” Peridot woke with a fright and fell out of her bed smacking the back of her head on her bedside table on the way down. Her phone kept ringing and she grabbed it.

“What!” She shouted into it. 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Amethyst responded. 

“Sorry I just was having a um bad dream.” Peridot replied, “Can I call you back later.” 

“Sure dude, just don’t sleep all day. New episode of CPH tonight and I’ve got popcorn.” Amethyst bribed. “Also got some Doritos for you, talk to ya later.” 

Peridot set her phone back onto her bedside table after Amethyst hung up. The door leading to the bathroom burst open and Lapis came charging in. “Are you okay? I heard something break.” Peridot looked back at Lapis through bleary eyes she didn’t have her glasses on yet. Lapis crouched down next to her, “Oh a cup broke.” Lapis picked up a piece of the ceramic mug. 

Lapis reached for Peridot’s glasses next handing the round frames to the blonde. Peridot gratefully put them back on. “That’s my ramen cup!” Peridot went to move put Lapis put a hand on her shoulder keeping her in place. “Let me grab a broom and clean this, you don’t want to get cut.” Lapis went to the corner of the room where a broom and dustpan rested, a gift from Pearl. Lapis set to work making sure Peridot didn’t move. “So what happened?” Lapis finally asked. 

Peridot thought back what did happen. “I was having a dream and oh…” She recalled exactly what she has dreamed about. “Just forget it.” 

Lapis finished sweeping and emptied the cup remnants into the trashcan. “I have bad dreams too sometimes, I’m sure you’ve heard me before.” Peridot had heard Lapis before waking up screaming or shouting, the first time had scared her half to death. “Let me look at your head, make sure you didn’t bust it open.” 

Peridot didn’t bother asking Lapis how she had known she hit her head. Lapis’ long fingers ran through her messy blonde hair. Gentle she looked at the back of Peridot’s head. “Nothing there, do you feel okay?” Lapis’ fingers were still in her hair massaging her scalp. “I mean you are hard headed.” 

“I’m fine, adequate.” Peridot finally replied working herself out of the haze of Lapis’ touch. 

“Want me to stay?” Lapis asked her dark blue eyes gazed into Peridot’s and Peridot swore if Lapis asked her anything right then she would’ve said yes. 

“If it is not too much trouble,” Peridot pushed her glasses higher on her nose. “We can catch up on Camp Pining Hearts. You are still behind, correct?” 

“Yeah,” Lapis stood up and pulled Peridot up with her. Peridot went to her backpack on the floor and pulled out her laptop. She sat back down on the bed and began to fiddle with it to find the last episode she remembered Lapis watching. Lapis didn’t wait for an invitation she sat down next to Peridot the two of them squeezing together on an extra-long twin sized bed. Lapis scooted down and put her head on Peridot’s shoulder. The laptop rested on both of their thighs as the episode began. Peridot could feel the heat rise to her face but she kept her cool and let Lapis stay. They fitted so well together, Peridot couldn’t help thinking.


	8. I'll teach you how to play

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peridot has another dream but this time wakes up to see someone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll teach you how   
> How to play   
> But baby   
> Can you teach   
> Me how you  
> Play me  
> Like a damn violin

“Lapis, you’re so wet and warm…” Peridot cooed she was currently two fingers knuckle deep in Lapis. Lapis had her head thrown back her legs spread in bliss, god she’s gorgeous Peridot thought. Something started to shake her and Peridot’s vision swam. Not again! Not another dream! Peridot awoke curled up in her bed sucking on two of her fingers lewdly. Her back was rest against soft warmth. 

Lapis was still there with the laptop resting on her thighs watching Camp Pining Hearts. The room was brighter than it was this morning and looking through blurred vision she saw it was about 3 in the afternoon. “I didn’t want to wake you.” Lapis murmured. Peridot promptly removed her fingers from her mouth. “I…thank you.”

Lapis handed over Peridot’s glasses, “Here.” Peridot took them and pushed herself back up in bed. “I can’t believe I slept so long.” 

“I was keeping an eye on you, I know you aren’t supposed to sleep after a head injury but you just looked so cute. How could I wake you?” Lapis paused her show to look Peridot over. “I should go now though, Jasper might get worried.” She closed the laptop and pushed it down to the end of the bed. 

Peridot couldn’t get over the fact Lapis said she was cute. Even as she was sucking on her fingers having a dream about the other woman, it didn’t matter because she was cute. But now Lapis was leaving and Peridot suddenly felt needy like a child who didn’t want their parent to leave them. “Jasper will be fine…and I feel a little sick. Could you stay longer?” It was wrong so wrong to lie like that. She felt perfectly fine but she didn’t want to lose Lapis’ presence not when they were so comfortable in bed together. 

Lapis nibbled on her bottom lip and fidgeted with the bottom of her shirt. “We were supposed to grab dinner together.” Another date, where did the meathead get the money? Peridot had to change tactics. “I guess I can go to the clinic and have Pearl drive me to campus.” Peridot said in that small pathetic voice she only used when she wanted something. It was wrong but it was so easy to fall back into that lie that she was smaller than she was that she was weaker. It worked on her mother why not Lapis? 

Lapis groaned and ruffled Peridot’s bedhead. “Ugh, fine. But you owe me dinner.” Lapis got up from the bed and went to turn on some lights. “I’ll order us a pizza to share.” Peridot replied suddenly more chipper. Lapis stretched her arms over her head pulling her shirt and exposing the tan skin of her stomach and a dangling navel piercing. “Lemme call Jasper.” Lapis left through the shared bathroom and Peridot laid back down her body flush. 

How could Lapis get more attractive? A tan toned body with long legs for days, choppy blue hair that framed her face perfectly, and now a bellybutton piercing. Peridot shook her head she needed to stop. Lapis is her friend and besides she didn’t come to college for a romance. She had business and tempting body jewelry wasn’t going to distract her. But she couldn’t let that feeling of sleeping so peacefully with the warm body next to her go, it was the most relaxed she’d ever been. 

Lapis returned a few minutes later, “It better be good pizza. Hey are you asleep again?!” 

Peridot rose from the bed, “No! Just um…you know resting. It is the best pizza Fish Pizza.” 

“Ew…fish pizza?” Lapis’ delicate nose wrinkled. 

“It’s just the name. It’s good pizza. The best in Beach City!” Peridot exclaimed. “You’ll see, me and Amethyst order from there all the time.” 

Lapis shrugged, “Okay. I trust you. But I want pineapple.” 

Now it was Peridot’s turn to wrinkle her nose albeit more pointed than Lapis’. “Gross, who wants pineapple on pizza? That’s just ruining a good pizza!” 

Lapis put her hands on her hips and stuck her tongue out, “You have no taste. Do half pineapple and half what you want.” 

So Peridot conceded and when she placed the order it was half pineapple and half veggie. If anyone could convince her pineapple was good on pizza it would be Lapis, that woman could convince her to do almost anything. 

With a slice of Pizza in hand Lapis walked over to Peridot’s PC station she sat down in the razorback chair and wiggled the mouse. “This is fancy.” 

“It’s of my own personal design. 16GB of ram and 7200RPM-” Peridot was cut short by a dismissive look from Lapis. “Skip the nerd talk, what’s it do?”

“You play games on it. PC the master race for any real gamer. I’m a high ranking Overwatch player and I need the best system.” Peridot pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose as she leaned over Lapis. “Here I’ll show you how to play, you can go on my Smurf account.” 

Peridot set to work loading up Overwatch and getting Lapis settled in. “Okay now who do I pick?” Lapis asked hovering over different characters. 

“For starters do you want to heal? Attack? Defend? It all depends on what you’re looking to do. For attack 76 is like any shooter simple, defense you could do a sniper like Widow or you can tank with someone like D.VA.” Peridot pointed to the characters as she rambled. 

Lapis hovered over Mercy, “What about her? What does she do?” 

“Make you want to die. I’m kidding, that’s Mercy she’s a healer but unless you have a good team you’ll end up wishing you didn’t bother.” Peridot sighed. “How about you try Widowmaker, you seem like a sniper kind of girl.” 

“What kind of girl is that, Peri?” Lapis asked innocently over her shoulder as she clicked on the sniper. 

The hot kind? Peridot knew that wasn’t the correct answer. “Uh the um…” 

“Oh! It’s starting what do I do?” Thank you Overwatch Peridot silently set out a thank you to the Blizzard company. 

So Peridot showed her the ropes while they ate pizza. Lapis wasn’t very good but somehow it didn’t bother Peridot, it was endearing it was…cute?


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peridot reads to Lapis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> But as for me, for you, the irresistible sea is to separate us,   
> As for an hour carrying us diverse, yet cannot carry us diverse forever;   
> Be not impatient – a little space – know you I salute the air, the ocean and the land,   
> Every day at sundown for your dear sake, my love.   
> -Walt Whitman

Peridot kicked her feet while she watched Pearl swirl the wooden spoon in the pot on the stove. “These accommodations are pleasing…” Peridot mumbled. She had never been in the kitchen the dorm hall shared. Amethyst was leaning back in the old wooden chair sitting at the ancient table in front of her. “Pearl makes the best stuff in here, the other day she made tacos!” 

“Ah, yes the tacos. They were quite fantastic. What was the occasion?” Pearl reminisced she added something more to the mixture she was stirring that brought up a spicy smell in the room. It made Peridot’s eyes water from behind her glasses and she rubbed at her eyes. Amethyst breathed it in like a sweet perfume. “It was for return of Camp Pining Hearts, which Peri missed because she’s a nerd.” Amethyst shot Peridot a pointed look. “Heard from Jasper you apparently were sick and Lapis had to take care of you. Dude, you could’ve called.” 

Peridot had honestly completely forgotten she had made plans with her friend. She was sucked up into the storm that was Lapis Lazuli. It was stupid it was so unlike her, so gross to be obsessed with someone she hardly knew. But Peridot had fallen like a sailor to a siren’s call. She wanted to be around Lapis all the time. She wanted to know what the other girl was doing. She had even taken to sniffing Lapis’ shampoo when she took a shower. It was too much. “I hit my head, everything was confusing.” It wasn’t a complete lie just parts of the story were missing. She had hit her head and the feelings she had were confusing head injury aside. 

Pearl picked up on that, “What do you mean you hit your head? Did you go to the nurse or the campus clinic? You could’ve had a concussion!” Pearl swung the spoon in her hand with each syllable. “My stars, if you were hurt under my watch of all things. Oh Garnet would be so ashamed of me.” 

“Chill out Pearl, clearly P-Dot is fine.” Amethyst shrugged, “Not that we’d see that much of difference.” 

“Hey!” Peridot finally interjected. “I’d like to think you’d know if my faculties weren’t in order.” 

“Nerd talk that’s all I hear.” The lilac haired woman shot back. She opened and closed her hand to mimic talking, “Blah, blah, blah, nerd, and some more nerd.” 

Pearl rolled her eyes and turned back to her cooking. Peridot didn’t mind the teasing it was the way they talked sometimes. “I bet you liked that I wasn’t there. Means you got to eat my share of the food.” 

“You are damn right it did!” Amethyst threw her hand up for a high five and Peridot met it like they’d done a thousand times before. Peridot shot a look to the door behind her that led back to the dorm hall way and in turn back to Lapis. “I’m going to head out, I have some homework to finish up.” 

“But Pearl is making her famous meat sauce!” Amethyst exclaimed. Pearl whipped around, “Do not get in the way of Peridot’s studying. Go on Peridot, I can save you some.” Amethyst laughed at that, “No you can’t.” 

Peridot slipped out of the room without another word. Amethyst and Pearl were going back and forth their own form of flirting. She couldn’t bother thinking about their relationship. She was consumed by her own non-existent one. What was Lapis doing right now? Was she sitting in her room working on her English assignment? Was she strumming the chords of the guitar that was in the corner of the room? Maybe Lapis was in the shower. Then those thoughts slid back into her mind. The time she first saw her roommate and it happened to be when she was half naked. The way the water droplets fell down her shoulders from her hair, her pouty lips turned into a frown. Nope, that’s enough. Peridot ran the rest of the way back to her room and closed the door rather loudly behind her. Safety in her room in her sanctum, but even now Lapis was only two doors away. One bathroom door and then the door to her bedroom, so close. 

Peridot could knock on the door see if Lapis wanted to hang out and talk about their shows or the video games Peridot enthused about. Lapis was reserved when they talked never saying much about herself, it came in snippets. The bellybutton piercing, the tips of a tattoo on her back when she wore a tank top, the way she talked to Jasper when she thought no one was listening. Dark words that Peridot couldn’t even imagine the other woman saying, even worse was Jasper taking it and thanking her. It was something sick and twisted but Peridot listened when she found herself overhearing their engagements. 

Peridot looked at the wooden door that led to the bathroom the first barrier. She knocked on the door softly no reply no sound of the shower going. She went in and closed the door behind her. The second barrier stood in her way now, the door to Lapis’ room. A room she had only seen in glances, Lapis had never invited her. Peridot raised her hand about to rap her knuckles against the wood. Should she? What if Lapis was with Jasper? Too late she was knocking now. 

“Come in!” Lapis called out from the other side. 

Peridot walked in assessing the room around her taking it in for the first time that wasn’t a quick glance. Blue was the first thing that came to mind. Lapis’ sheets a deep blue navy with a knitted light blue blanket on top. The guitar she had seen once was leaning against the end of the bed. Stickers decorated the acoustic body. Her room had paper lanterns hanging in one corner giving off soft light. Music played in the background from the laptop on her desk covered in pictures of the beach. A bookshelf overflowing with books, it was all so much. It was all Lapis. 

Lapis was sitting on a beanbag chair that had a piece of duct tape holding its beans in. A book was in her lap and she was chewing on the end of a blue ink pen lost in thought. She shot a look up, “What’s going on?” 

Peridot was facing sensory overload and she could hardly form a sentence in her brain the smell of sea salt somehow hung in the room. Most of all it felt like she had reached a part of Lapis few had seen. 

Lapis underlined something in the book, “Is it a secret?” She was sitting legs crossed wearing those shorts too short to be legal. “I can keep a secret.” Her voice naturally coy and seductive, it drove Peridot crazy. Now she looked up completely her head cocked to the side and a smirk on her lips. “Peri-dot, what do you want to tell me?” She singsonged sweetly. 

“I just came to see you,” Peridot tugged on the neck of her shirt. Was it warmer in this room? Lapis needed to turn the air down. 

“That’s sweet, my sweet Peri.” Lapis looked back down to her book. “Feel like reading Walt Whitman? It’s for my poetry class. Most of his poems are about his love for this young man, it’s interesting.” Lapis’ eyes locked in on Peridot. “What do you think about that?” 

“Love who you love, right?” Peridot answered. It was sweltering. Lapis patted the spot down on the beanbag next to her impossibly close. “Take a seat and let me bounce some ideas off you.” 

Peridot took the offered seat and Lapis scooted over marginally before she shifted positions altogether. She turned then laid down her head resting in Peridot’s lap the book being shoved into Peridot’s hands. “Read to me.” 

It was scorching and Peridot was sure she was sweating she had to be. Lapis was in her lap soft waves of blue hair spilled out on her jeans and they were so close. Lapis waited patient she hummed to herself and looked up at Peridot as if to say well go ahead now. Peridot cleared her throat and looked at the words on the page they swam. She steadied herself and began, “O-out…” Peridot paused then with a look from Lapis continued. “Out of the rolling ocean the crowd came a drop gently to me, Whispering, I love you, before long I die, I have travell’d a long way merely to look on you to touch you, For I could not die till I once look’d on you, For I fear’d I might afterward lose you.” Peridot thought she’d die if she continued. It was too much all just too much. 

“Go on, your voice is nice.” Lapis urged her on. 

Not your voice is too high pitched too nasally, but nice? “Now we have met, we have look’d, we are safe, Return in peace to the ocean my love, I too am part of that ocean, my love, we are not so much separated, Behold the great rondure, the cohesion of all, how perfect!”

“You never stumble on a word…” Lapis’ voice was barely above a whisper and her eyes were closed. “Peri…” 

“But as for me, for you, the irresistible sea is to separate us, As for an hour carrying us diverse, yet cannot carry us diverse forever; Be not impatient – a little space – know you I salute the air, the ocean and the land, Every day at sundown for your dear sake, my love.” Peridot finished. 

Lapis’ eyes were closed her lips were just calling to Peridot to claim them to take them. She wanted to be impatient like the poem forewarned against she wanted to take the object of her desires and show Lapis how she was feeling. How her brain was a tidal wave of Lapis. Instead she waited for Lapis. 

“Read some more, please.” Lapis turned and snuggled her face into Peridot’s stomach her breath warm even through the shirt that separated skin from lips.

“Okay…”


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Motorcycle ride courtesy of Jasper

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Watching you was enough.

“Are you coming or not?” Jasper half growled she stood by the door her arms crossed over her chest. “I don’t want to miss Lapis competing.” 

“One second,” Peridot called out from the bathroom. What shirt should she wear? Wait it didn’t matter she’d wear a jacket. No wait she’d wear a tank-top. She eyed her muscle lacking arms, okay back to the shirt. She never cared before what she looked like. It never mattered, clothing was just something she wore because being naked wasn’t going to happen, she finally settled on a gray t-shirt with a front pocket that had an alien poking out from it. She walked out of the bathroom to face Jasper. 

“I don’t know why you can’t take the shuttle…” Jasper grumbled, “Having to take you there, Lapis…” The rest was ineligible as Jasper fumed. Jasper gave Peridot a once over, “This is what took so long? Thought you were going to prom with how long it took.” 

“Don’t be a clod, Jasper.” Peridot responded her voice biting. “Let’s go I don’t want to be late.”

Jasper picked up the motorcycle helmet she had put on the bookshelf in Peridot’s room. “Here put this on,” She plopped the helmet onto Peridot’s head not waiting for a response from the other woman. She opened the door and headed out. 

Peridot adjusted the helmet on her head silently praying it didn’t give her helmet hair. Everyone knew Jasper had an old school Harley Davidson motorcycle, it was her chick magnet. At least that’s what Jasper called it, or used to. Now it was being used to bring them both to Lapis’ swim meet. The first of the season and Lapis’ first at the school. Jasper was bristly because she was nervous; she was a competitor and couldn’t stand losing. Peridot doubted she’d accept a loss today, even though she wasn’t competing. Jasper got on to the deep red motorcycle first swinging her leg over. 

“Get on the back, squirt.” Jasper waited for Peridot to clamber onto the back. There was nothing to hold on to except Jasper. She gingerly put her hands onto Jasper’s hips, it was uncomfortable and Jasper’s mane of hair itched her face when she leaned closer making sure to hold on tight. Jasper started the motorcycle and it roared to life she pealed out of the dorm parking lot. Peridot gripped tighter digging her fingers into Jasper’s jeans. Each turn she leaned further into Jasper until she was plastered to the woman’s back. 

“You can let go now…” Jasper finally said after what felt like hours, it had only been ten minutes. Peridot unpeeled herself from Jasper’s back and wobbled off the motorcycle almost tripping as she got off but was caught by a steadying hand from Jasper. “Relax, solid ground and all that.” 

Jasper hefted herself off the motorcycle and set the kickstand up. “Let’s go, the match will be starting soon.” Jasper said after a quick glance at the watch on her hand. Peridot followed still in a daze to the pool area where people were flooding in through the front doors. The school song was playing loud over the speakers and Peridot was thankful for the helmet still on her head making the music muffled. Jasper pushed and shoved her way to a good seat on the bleachers and pulled Peridot down next to her. Jasper waved and Peridot followed her gaze to see Lapis. 

Lapis wore the traditional navy blue one piece swimsuit that was befitting the school colors. Her hair was concealed under a cap and she stood at the ready in front of a lane. From here Peridot could make out the tattoo on Lapis’ tan back. Dark wings spread over her shoulder blades. Before she could study them longer the whistle was blown and the competition was on. The rivaling school from Empire City didn’t stand a chance. Lapis was powerful in the water with strong strokes of her arms and determination that couldn’t waver. She blew her competitor out of the water on the freestyle. Cheers rung out and Jasper was the loudest of them all she stood up and swung her arms in the air cheering for Lapis Lazuli. Lapis looked at them and gave a half smile and a wave before being pulled over by the coach. 

It blurred together for Peridot with all of the noise and commotion and she released she had never taken the helmet off her head but it made her feel safe and comfortable. But she watched even if she didn’t scream and cheer her eyes were glued to Lapis. Taking in the way a towel was draped over her shoulders, the way she cheered for her teammates during their turns. When it was over Jasper grabbed Peridot’s hand and dragged her over to were Lapis stood slipping a pair of shorts on over her bathing suit. 

“Babe, you were amazing! You crushed that girl!” Jasper picked Lapis up and spun her around in a big bear hug. “You made me so proud.” Those words were quitter meant for the two of them. Peridot stood awkwardly to the side waiting her turn to congratulate Lapis. 

Jasper set Lapis back down and took off her jacket to drape on Lapis’ shoulders. Lapis pulled the large jacket tighter around herself and then her attentions were on Peridot. “Thank you for coming out to watch, I know you aren’t really into sports.” 

I’m into you? No that wasn’t the correct response and Jasper would likely toss Peridot straight into the pool. “Well you are my roommate after all. I had to come support you.”   
Lapis’ smile turned down slightly, “Of course.” 

“Let’s go celebrate! I have some stuff in my room I was saving for your victory!” Jasper said she led them back to her motorcycle and Peridot saw the problem. There were three of them and Jasper took up enough room as it was. “Hmmm” Jasper pondered aloud looking at the motorcycle. 

“Peridot can sit in my lap. She’s small so it won’t be a big deal.” Lapis rationalized. Peridot’s face flushed with color at the thought of being so close to Lapis. 

“Works for me, just make sure you don’t fall off.” And with that Jasper straddled her motorcycle and waited for Lapis. Lapis slid on behind Jasper and then offered her hand to Peridot. She’d be squeezed in-between Lapis and Jasper, a semi-pleasant sandwich. With Lapis’ help she sat on the other woman’s lap. Lapis wrapped her arms around Peridot’s waist. “I’ll keep you safe,” She whispered. Peridot leaned forward to get her death hold back on Jasper’s jeans hooking her thumbs through her belt loops. Jasper’s motorcycle once again roared to life and they were speeding down back to the dorms this time at a slower pace. 

Lapis pressed tight against Peridot’s back and Peridot could feel everything. The swell of Lapis’ breast on her back, the hands wrapped around her waist that occasionally played with the hem of her shirt, fingers slid against her bare stomach as her shirt rode up from Lapis’ toying. Lapis’ hands were cold frigid fingers that explored her warm skin. It was wrong but it made butterflies explode within her and she held on even tighter to Jasper. Part of her wanted this ride to be over immediately so she could hide in her room for the next thousand years and another part of her a bigger part never wanted it to end. She could die happy here pressed between the two girlfriends. 

But all good things must come to an end and once Jasper pulled into her parking spot the fingers on her stomach left and her shirt was fixed haphazardly. Jasper got off first and helped Peridot down basically picking her up and setting her aside so she could take Lapis’ hand and scoop her off the motorcycle bridal style. “I’ve got a treat for us.” 

Peridot would take her leave here and began to walk away before being pulled back by the collar of her shirt. “You are coming too, runt.” Peridot could only imagine what Jasper meant and took a hard swallow. “Sure.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jasper's surprise turns sour.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You tasted of bitterness but it was so sweet.

Peridot had begun to wonder how she got herself into this situation sitting in a beanbag chair in Lapis’ room. Jasper had shooed them both away to go and get her surprise. She didn’t know why she was nervous, it wasn’t for some surprise. It was being alone with Lapis after the motorcycle. Most of all she feared what Jasper would do if she ever found out.

“Do you mind if I change?” Lapis asked. 

Peridot looked up, Lapis had already shed Jasper’s jacket and was working on sliding her shorts off. Peridot closed her eyes and turned the other way to face the way. “I can leave if you want.” 

“I don’t want that.” The sound of wet clothes hit the floor and Peridot clenched her hands into fists and dug her nails into her palms. Drawers were opened and Peridot counted the seconds that dragged on to minutes. A chilly hand caressed her cheek and she slowly opened her eyes to Lapis leaning down in front of her, clothed in a loose fitting tank top and shorts. “Did I scare you?” 

In so many ways, but it excited her more the endless possibilities. “No, you did not.” Peridot replied watching Lapis’ face for any indicators. Lapis’ pouty lips curved into a small smile that tugged on the corners of her lips. “I’m surprised you didn’t watch.” 

There it was again that coy flirting that could be passed off as a joke if it needed to. Now it was Lapis’ turn to watch Peridot’s reaction to see if she got a rise out of the shorter woman. Peridot tried but failed to think of a response, “It would have been rude.” She settled on that. 

“Such a gentleman or gentlewoman I should say.” Lapis ruffled Peridot’s blonde hair. “Nice helmet hair.” 

Back to teasing it was a dance they did. Flirt, deny, tease, then back to the beginning again. Lapis went to her stereo to play some music she fiddled with the dials while Peridot attempted to fix her hair. 

“I’m back!” Jasper burst through the door her arms filled with large brown paper bags. She used her foot to shut the door behind her and set the goods down on Lapis’ bed. Jasper began pulling items out mostly alcoholic in nature and snack cakes. Jasper grabbed a beer from the six pack she had and tossed one to Lapis who caught it. Her face changed but Peridot couldn’t place it. Something was off. Jasper took a can and walked over to Peridot, “Here.” 

Peridot thought if she squished down far enough into the beanbag chair she might fuse with it and disappear. She’d prefer almost anything to this, drinking cheap beer with Jasper. But she took the can anyways and held it in one hand staring at the label and surgeon general warnings. She was underage and Pearl would have a heart attack if she knew there was underage drinking in her dorm. Tops were popped and Jasper downed her beer in one go crushing the can and tossing it into the garbage like shooting baskets. Lapis was more civilized taking long sips before her can was also empty. She skipped over the next beer offered and went straight for the bottle of whiskey. Peridot still watched her own can thinking of the last time she had a drink was it must have been some outrageously expensive wine her mother brought to pair with dinner. A glass of red is good for you, that was the excuse. But beer wasn’t good for her. 

“Come on Peridot, don’t be a baby.” Jasper taunted, “Never had a beer before?”

In fact she had not. But she carefully popped the top of the beer can and took a small sip. She balked at the bitter taste and made a face. If she could scrape her tongue of the flavor she would. “Disgusting…” 

Lapis laughed and grabbed a cup and began mixing a drink she sauntered over to Peridot. “Here, I have better taste than Jasper any way.” Peridot took the red solo cup filled with who knew what. She brought the cup to her mouth and only wanted a sip but Lapis held the cup to her lips until she drank a good amount. It burned her throat and made her entire body heat up, what was that, liquid lava? 

“Whiskey and coke,” Lapis read her mind and with a grin took a sip from Peridot’s cup. “Have some more.” She handed it back and because Lapis asked Peridot listened. 

*****************

“God she’s heavy.” Peridot complained, one half of Jasper was draped over her and the other on Lapis. As they half carried her back to her room. Lapis just giggled completely wasted and Jasper was passed out drunk. They managed to get the door open and with much struggling and some cursing they got Jasper in bed. Peridot let out a loud groan and her stomach churned too much alcohol, stuff she had never touched before today. Lapis drank like a fish as if whiskey was her lifeline after a few drinks she didn’t even bother pouring a cup and drank straight from the bottle. Lapis took her hand and dragged her along back to Lapis’ room. 

Peridot turned to go back to her own room through the bathroom door but Lapis caught her by the shoulder turning her around till they were facing one another. Too close. “I know how you feel about me.” Lapis’ words slurred as she spoke. “I see the way you look at me.” 

“I don’t know what you are talking about,” Peridot shot back but it was weak her voice was so damn weak. Lapis leaned in closer and their lips met in a drunken kiss, Peridot’s first kiss. Lapis’ hands went from her shoulders down to her hips and her tongue ran across Peridot’s lips. The blue haired woman got what she wanted as Peridot gasped she slipped her tongue into the blonde’s mouth taking everything she could. Peridot put her hands on Lapis’ arms to push her back but ended up being shoved against the wall. Teeth pulled at her bottom lip and moved down to her neck to bite on the sensitive skin there. 

“Lapis…stop…please.” Peridot swatted at Lapis to try to get the taller woman to stop. But Lapis was on a mission and she pressed her hand tight against Peridot’s mouth. “Be quiet, I know how badly you want this.” With her free hand Lapis groped Peridot’s breast. “Enjoy it.” 

Peridot grabbed the wrist of the hand on her mouth and dug her nails into the skin there making Lapis hiss in pain. “I said stop it!” Peridot shouted at her. “I don’t want this! Not like this…” 

Lapis looked like she was shaken out of a haze and backed away with her hands up her wrist was bleeding from where Peridot scratched her. Peridot took her chance and ran through the bathroom and back to her room locking all of the doors before tears began to fall down her face. It had been so long since she cried and it all came out in choking sobs and hot tears that ran down her freckled cheeks. How could Lapis do that to her? She went to her bed and gathered all of the covers and buried herself under their weight. It gave her something some comfort as she sobbed violently. Lapis had broken something in her that she had repaired too many times with duct tape and glue. Her trust was shattered once again, this time though she doubted she could fix it.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peridot tells a lie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was willing to lie for you, even to those who begged for the truth.

Peridot awoke in the morning with a nasty headache and a dry taste in her mouth. She felt for her glasses on the bedside table and slid them on. She sluggishly slipped out of bed and shivered at the cold tile on her bare feet. She made her way to the bathroom through bleary eyes. The smell jarred her. The smell of the ocean that sweet salty spray that permeated from Lapis, from the woman who…who attacked her. She reached for the door that led to Lapis’ room and locked it tight closing out the other woman from the bathroom for the time being. Peridot went to the sink and set her glasses aside to wet her face with some water, something to refresh her and make her feel clean. She felt so stale and used. Her bright green eyes stared back at her in the mirror over the sink and she saw the outline of a hickey on her neck. A dark ugly purple and blue bruise with teeth marks around the skin. Peridot wanted to scrub the offending mark off, cut it off even. It was a reminder of something she rather forget, it was like tattooing someone’s name on your face, claimed. She wasn’t her own person with that mark. Most important was the fact she had a hickey it would be questioned and examined, another problem. 

“That’s all this ever was…just a problem.” Peridot muttered she moved away from the sink but left her glasses on the counter. A shower would help; it would wash away the shame, the misery, and hopefully the memories. Peridot set the water to hot and stripped down to step into the boiling water that seared her skin. It stung and burned and made her think about anything but the pain inside herself it was outward pain that she could deal with. She could bite her lip and think about how her skin was turning bright red. She took a wash cloth and rubbed at the mark on her neck till she tore at the skin rubbing it raw. Peridot needed something anything but the thoughts chasing her, the endless loop of the night before that plagued her vision. She licked at her bottom lip and tasted her copper flavored blood, she had cut open her lip. She was biting too hard clinging too hard. 

Peridot shut the water off suddenly and drew the curtain back she quickly redressed and refused to look in the mirror. She grabbed her glasses off the counter by feeling for them. She didn’t want to chance even a glance at her own reflection. Before she left she unlocked the door that led to Lapis’ room. As much as she’d like to hold the bathroom hostage she’d get an earful from Pearl, though she doubted Lapis would tattle. Peridot could tell such better stories about last night then Lapis could ever spin about a bathroom. Peridot could utter the bitter truth and Lapis’ truth would seem pale in comparison. But she still unlocked the door and left the bathroom to go back to the comfort of her bed. 

This Lapis situation had gotten out of control. She had neglected her studies and she grabbed her text book and tossed it on the bed to memorize formulae and algorithms. To fill her brain up with numbers and science, the way she used to. She cracked open the book she’d been using as a dinner tray and set to the pages with a furious passion. The door creaked and she panicked and balked ready to toss her text book at the intruder until she saw who it was. Garnet stood in the doorway a master key in her hand. Garnet walked in without a word and shut the door behind her. She held a natural commanding presence more so even than Jasper. 

“There was a noise complaint last night, Pearl asked me to check on it.” Garnet said in that thick British accent that flowed off her tongue in a musical melody. “She assumed it was another one of your games but I wanted to check in on you.” Garnet approached the bed her eyes always concealed behind a set of shades. “The words reported were ‘stop it’, very loud then silence it worried the girl who called it in.” 

“It was a bad match,” Peridot lied she couldn’t look someone in the eye and lie so she set her gaze to her book. “I got really upset with the other team and just yelled.” 

Garnet always knew more than she ever let on she stood in a passive stance, “If there is anything you ever need to tell me. I am here for you, Peridot.” Garnet waited and Peridot withheld. What could she honestly say? I was trying to get with my friend’s girlfriend? That would go over just great…

“Don’t overwork yourself, and come visit sometime.” Garnet finally said after her waiting did not pay off. “My door is always open.” With that Garnet began to leave before throwing a glance over her shoulder. “I’ll let Pearl know the girl who complained heard wrong, but just this once.” Then Garnet left closing the door behind her and sealing out the world. 

Peridot’s hands were shaking and she knew tears were rolling down her cheeks. She wanted to sob and tell Garnet everything to tell her about all the turmoil in her mind. The fact she had never felt anything for anyone before Lapis and then it was all smashed into a million pieces by a drunk kiss and grope. By the fact Lapis just wanted a quick intoxicated fuck. That’s what hurt worse than the touches and the bite on her neck. The fact that she truly meant nothing to Lapis Lazuli beyond a body to touch and press into, she was just something to screw and toss away in the morning. 

Peridot couldn’t do that she refused to be someone’s plaything not again. Not after she escaped the grasps of her previous life. Not when she began to feel like she was worth something more than her last name. But Lapis had erased those feelings in just a few minutes with just a few touches. With just a whiskey flavored kiss.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peridot let's it out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted you to hate me it would've been easier than the sourness of acceptance.

Peridot kept herself busy since Garnet’s visit she had cleaned her room and went to the bathroom to empty the trash in there when the door to Lapis’ room opened. Peridot started to back away but it was too late Lapis had seen her. 

“Peri, wait.” Lapis called out and Peridot froze from her retreat. “Last night was pretty crazy, I don’t really remember everything. Did Jasper get back okay?” 

Peridot clenched the garbage bag in her hands tighter. She wished she could forget everything that had happened just like Lapis did. She wanted to wake up slightly hung over and with holes in her memory. But she was unfortunate in that she remembered everything that happened. Even more unfortunate was the fact she couldn’t let it go, every time she closed her eyes she saw what happened to her again and again a constant loop.

Lapis touched her wrist and looked at the dried up blood there. “Ugh, what is this from?” Lapis went to go for the sink and Peridot backed away further the movement not going unnoticed from Lapis. “What’s wrong?” 

“I…I have to go.” Peridot exited the bathroom and closed the door she pressed against the door on her side. With dorms like this her door leading to the bathroom didn’t lock and so Lapis could bust in when she wanted to. Lapis jiggled the door handle and when she got nowhere she knocked on the wood between them. 

“Peridot, please tell me what’s wrong.” Lapis called out from the other side. “Did something happen last night?” 

“You…” Peridot froze and the words caught in her throat. “You kissed me…” 

Lapis didn’t say anything for a minute then two. “I’m sorry I was drunk. I probably thought you were Jasper.” It was a lie and Peridot knew it. 

“You touched me when I said no!” The words came out faster now for Peridot and she realized she was angry about it. How fucking easy for Lapis to not remember. “You bit me and I had to fight you off!” Peridot hit the wood of the door behind her. “You ruined everything…” 

Lapis didn’t say another word there was bitter silence from the other side of the door. Then the distinct sound of a desperate cry and smashing of glass. Peridot could hear shards of glass fall to the floor making light clinks on the tile. Lapis had lost it. Peridot heard the door close on Lapis’ side and she knew the other girl had left the bathroom. Peridot carefully opened her side of the bathroom and peeked her head in. The mirror above the sink had been shattered into a million pieces and there were droplets of blood in the sink. Did Lapis punch the mirror? 

Some small part of Peridot was worried and she wanted to rush to the other room and check on Lapis to see if the other woman was okay. The larger part told her that Lapis had hurt her and she feel some part of that pain. It was fair if she was hurt, it was right. Peridot walked out of the bathroom and went back to her own room. The larger part won this time and she felt sick satisfaction in her tormentor’s pain. It wasn’t her job to make Lapis feel better especially after what she had done. 

The only thing Peridot could do now was to look out for herself, everyone else just got in the way. 

********************

Much later when night had long since fallen, someone was knocking on Peridot’s door. Lapis had been quite for the rest of the day not a single sound, which was fine with her. It was easy to forget Lapis existed when she didn’t make a peep. Peridot got out of bed and went to the door to see who was bothering her at this hour, probably Pearl checking in on her before she went to bed. Peridot unlocked the door prepared to shoo Pearl away saying she was fine and to have a goodnight, but Jasper was darkening her doorstep with her massive form. She stepped in before Peridot could say a word. “What happened last night?” Jasper crossed her arms over her chest and gave a pointed look. 

“Don’t lie to me either, Peridot.” 

“What is this about?” Peridot retorted with a dirty look. What did Lapis tell Jasper? Some sick lie about what happened last night? 

Jasper took in the room around her like a warrior surveying a scene before a battle. What weapons were available and where was the best vantage point? “Lapis isn’t responding to any of my calls or texts. She won’t open her door either.” Jasper quickly deflated from aggressor to nervous school girl. “I am worried I might have done or said something that hurt her feelings…if I did you would know, right?” Jasper looked at her with pleading golden eyes. “Tell me if I did something.” 

Why did no one besides her remember the night before? If she had swallowed the bitter pill and erased the memories in her mind she could’ve pretended to forget. Instead she had started something that was going to be a struggle. Lapis was upset because of what she had done and in turn that upset Jasper who now was begging Peridot for answers. Lying would be easier than the truth, shit, anything would be easier than the truth. 

Peridot made her decision and swallowed the lump in her throat and clenched her hands into fists. “You were passed out drunk so Lapis and I decided to take you back to your room. We got you back safely.” She faltered. No she had to rip off the Band-Aid. “We got back to her room and I was going to retire for the night. She was very drunk and she pulled me into a kiss.” Peridot waited for the explosion but Jasper’s face revealed nothing. “She tried to take it further and I couldn’t…I begged her to stop I yelled at her to stop. Nothing worked until I pulled her off me. She woke up the next day not remembering a fucking thing. Isn’t that just my luck? I am the only one who remembers! I could’ve lied to you to her and everything would be the same.” Peridot was hyperventilating now as it all rushed out. “I didn’t push her away or ask her to stop because I cared about your feelings I did it because I wanted her all to myself. I didn’t want left over drunken kisses and touches. I want all of her, and I ended up with nothing.” Peridot’s chest ached and her lungs burned. She tossed her hands up and paced her room. “Say something, Jasper! Tell me you hate me!” 

Jasper let out a big long sigh, “I’m not mad at you. I do not hate you.” The words came out slow and steady. Peridot didn’t want slow and steady she wanted fast and angry, she wanted a fight. “I wanted your girlfriend this whole time!” 

“So?” Jasper replied, “You didn’t actually do anything. But I guess that’s just it, you never do anything Peridot. You want to be a bystander to everything around you. If someone touches you or likes you, you wait. It could be five years from now and you still wouldn’t do anything.” Jasper let out a hallow laugh. “So I’m not mad at you. It isn’t your fault. Lapis…there is a lot going on with her.” 

Peridot was still reeling from Jasper’s scathing remarks. The truth always hurt more than any lie. Jasper was right if left to her own devices Peridot would do nothing and say nothing she was content to stand on the side and watch everyone else. She always watched what everyone else did, not once did she think she should act. 

“Lapis has a lot of pain inside her that comes out in strange ways. I can’t tell you why she did what she did and I am not excusing it. But I know she cares about you. You are all she ever talks about.” Jasper continued. “I was also content to just let Lapis do what she wanted. I liked the way it felt to let someone dominate me. I liked how she consumed all of me until I couldn’t find myself.” Jasper gave Peridot one last fleeting look. “She had this darkness in her and it will hurt every single person she touches, us included.” Jasper went to the door she entered from, “Call me tomorrow, I have someone you might want to talk to.” 

After the hurricane of news left Jasper’s mouth she was deflated and left like a kicked puppy, somber and solemn. Peridot looked around her room and everything felt like it was caving in on her. It was too tight, the room, her clothes, her mind. It was constricting and suffocating. Jasper dropped a bomb on her and just left like it was nothing, as if she had just brought over some borrowed sugar. Peridot was losing it, her grip on the situation. What could she lose herself in now? What could distract her from the crushing weight on her chest? She wracked her brain for an answer and found nothing. There was nothing she could do. Tomorrow she would call Jasper, and if that didn’t help maybe just maybe she would talk to Garnet.


End file.
